This is a follow up to my post from last week about my #metoo experience. It was definitely a hard thing for me to share, but I felt deep down that if it was important enough to write about, then it was worth some temporary discomfort. When I hit the “publish” button, I felt a little sick. I fully expected to feel that way, so no surprise there.
What I didn’t expect was the sheer volume of response. I knew I would there would be feedback, but you guys totally blew me away. First of all, so many of you reached out with kind words of support. Friends from junior high and high school, current friends, former students, strangers– so many of you wrote the most encouraging things. Don’t let anyone tell you that there is no kindness left in this world, because it showed up in a big way last week.
What I was more surprised by were the responses from women who said that they too, had a similar experience and had never told anyone. Again, I expected a few of these, but nothing like what I received. Women of all ages responded: some called, some texted, some just commented on Facebook or on my blog post. Several sent messages via Facebook Messenger because they weren’t ready to plaster their lives on social media. The huge response is a double edged sword: I am not a researcher or scientist, but I am guessing that for every person who responded about a personal experience, there were several others that didn’t breathe a word, and maybe never will.
I am not foolish enough to believe that we can eradicate this behavior totally from our culture. I live in the real world and spent a fair amount of time in my career seeing the fallout. A few years ago while counseling a young woman who was probably about 15, we had a conversation that went something like this:
“When those two boys raped you, did you tell your mother?’
“Yes, I told her a few days later.”
“Can you tell me what she said to you?”
“She said we needed to find out if I was pregnant, and also, to just get over it because it’s just part of life and will probably happen again.”
This was a mother’s advice when her daughter was raped by not one, but two people. I wasn’t acquainted with her mother at all, but I remember wondering what must have happened in her life to cause her to respond to such a horrific event with total resignation and lack of surprise. I recall feeling sick to my stomach and not replying very quickly. When I was finally able to find some words, I remember telling this young woman that it wasn’t her fault, that even though it may be a terrible part of life, we must do everything in our power to make sure it was NEVER a part of her life again.
There is something each of us can do to make this better. First of all, we must teach our young people that no none has the right to touch their bodies without their permission. Secondly, we must tell our children to tell us when something like this happens and that it is not their fault. We must listen to stories and believe young people when they come to us. Could they be lying? It is possible, but statistically, that is overwhelmingly not the case. And we must keep promoting change in a culture that has taught that might is right, that people are objects and can be used for whatever the person with more power has, and that there is shame in telling what has happened when you are assaulted. I see and hear from a lot of young people who are passionate about this, and it gives me great hope for the future.
In closing, I want to say thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you. You make my life better by commenting and reaching out. Please know that God loves you and I love you too! Together, we can make these instances far fewer and something that mainly happened in “the good old days (as if they were always good).”
My Corner of the World 